Tuesday, January 26, 2010
It’s been almost 3 years since I stepped out of the hallowed halls of the university. I’m on the “third leg” of my career path, averaging 9.33 months per employer – with each from totally different and seemingly unrelated industries. Sometimes, I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. But then I look around and I see others in a pretty much similar situation. So I think I’m still normal, save for a few loose bolts and screws hanging around there somewhere.
It’s probably the idealism wearing off, or should I say crushed by the dead weight of reality. Whereas in my student years, I was but a mere spectator and a critique of the real world, now I am in it, struggling against losing what is now left of my so-called idealism. Boy, when reality looms large right in front of you staring at you in the eye, it is just so damn hard to keep a straight face.
They say it’s the natural order of things. I’ve heard countless of testimonies from people who once took the journey to Utopia and have fallen off course. That should have been enough to leave me utterly disillusioned. But as one wise colleague of mine pointed out, we should still carry idealism in our hearts, this time without the illusions. No pretensions, no trimmings, no frills. Our world is an imperfect one – and we’re all well aware of that. We just have to accept reality as it is. And should we have the opportunity to make it better for ourselves and for other people, the truly idealistic will grab every chance to make a difference.
My first three years in the corporate world have been nothing short of erratic but everything’s just a blur to me now. Either I’m temporarily suffering from a case of short-term memory loss or I was too wrapped up with the cares of this world. I’m glad to note though that I have stayed with my current company for more than a year now. Still, I’m far from being relaxed. People born in the year of the tiger like me are known to be restless and unpredictable. Well, it’s going to be another “let’s wait and see” year for me, like it has been for the past years. If anything but a consolation to the unforeseeable future, I’d like to take comfort in my favorite lines from the song Just Around the River Bend (Pocahontas) by Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz:
What I love most about rivers is, you can’t step in the same river twice.
The water’s always changing, always flowing.
But people, I guess, can’t live like that. We all must pay a price.
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing.
What’s around the river bend. Just around the river bend.
I look once more. Just around the river bend.
Beyond the shore. Somewhere past the sea.
Don’t know what for.
Why do all my dreams extend just around the river bend?
I was planning to round up the year that was but I thought it would be better to leave behind things that are better off in the past. In a nutshell, the previous year made me think and re-think about love, faith, career, and most especially friendship. Whatever those lessons are, it’s for me to dwell on and safe keep, at least for now. And while all my dreams extend just around the river bend, I’m gonna have to live in the now with tomorrow in mind, taking my chances and giving it my best shot.
posted by the chocoholic at 2:43 PM
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Sunday, January 04, 2009
A tiny flicker has been lit. It doesn’t matter now how many wrongs we’ve made for the past 365 days. A fresh start is right ahead of us. A new chance. A new hope. And the single most significant question of the time, almost a resounding battle cry, is: What can we do to make those wrongs right?
I just love the New Year. For me, it does not stand as a mere occasion that I have to perfunctorily celebrate just because the whole world tells me to do so. Let’s just say I’ve come to appreciate New Years in a special, personal way…
Not too long ago, I was failing one after another, even in what seemed like the simplest tasks. I was utterly dejected, forlorn, and lost and every inch of me slowly flowed down the drain. I almost envisioned myself walking in the hallmark of failures, like it was my destiny to be there. The only thing that gave me my last string of confidence was the New Year and the hope that it always brings. I know it sounds really cliché and unoriginal. But when you’re there spiraling towards the bottom pit of hopelessness, you have to hang on to every last piece that gives you strength. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t even be here right now.
The New Year reminds me that no matter how bleak and desolate life seems to be at the moment, we will always find the light. It may take some time though. But with the right amount of patience and positive thinking, you will find it in the most surprising places. Up to this point of writing, the New Year has never failed me. I don’t mean to say of course, that I never committed any failures since then. I am still as imperfect as I was 5 or 10 years ago. But I’m learning my lessons well, one year at a time. And with every year that comes and goes, the New Year always throws back a challenge at me, tauntingly saying, “So, Imperfect One, what are you going to do right this time?” To which, I would just smile and say, “Just wait and see. You might be in for a big surprise.”
Happy New Year everyone. Cheers to a full, promising year ahead!
posted by the chocoholic at 4:15 AM
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Friday, August 15, 2008
Hi guys! You’re cordially invited to my advanced birthday celebration tomorrow at Lamesa Grill in SM Northwing, 7:00 PM. Please don’t spread the word. Limited seats only.
I’m now officially and irrevocably 22 years old. And unlike before when you really had to torture me before I would admit I’m older, this time I calmly handled with poise what others would consider as tragedy. As a matter of fact, I welcomed my birthday as soon as the clock struck twelve. I celebrated my birthday a day in advance. Instead of 08/09/08, I celebrated it on 08/08/08 – not that I’m superstitious. But it was the perfect day to celebrate, what with the UP Cebu Cookout rocking at the UP Cebu Grounds. The few chosen guests who were close friends, my brother, and his girlfriend and soon-to-be-wife were all available that day. And that was a Friday. What more could the birthday girl ask for?
I chose to celebrate my birthday through a nice dinner. Celebrating it on a beach with family and friends seemed impossible with the erratic schedules my call center friends follow, so dinner was the next best thing. I chose Lamesa Grill on impulse because I started “planning” 5 days before my actual birthday. But I knew I made the right decision when we checked out the place. I totally fell in love with it! The shell lamps that give a soft glimmer to the dark night were a beauty. The bamboo blinds and the wooden fixtures that adorned the place gave it a Filipino accent. I certainly didn’t mind having to trade the beach for a place such as that. It’s a pity I didn’t take more pictures of the place but I swear on my knees, everyone should try it out. The food is fantastic. The service is superb. The crew kept asking if we enjoyed the food and if we needed anything else. Actually, their customer relations skills were excellent, even short of them spoon feeding us. It’s a bit pricey but it is just lovely.
You be the judge if we committed gluttony that night. Our table was laden with pinatayong manok, pork belly, lad apahap kinulob (a kind of fish – don’t ask me further, we ordered it because Mark was recovering from skin allergy), sinigang na salmon head, mixed seafood ala gambas, seafood rice, leche flan, and buko macapuno rumble. But is this gluttony? We were just enjoying good food. I would have wanted to take pictures of all the stuff we ate that night but I didn’t want to look like a total nerd, going around the table and taking pictures of every dish served.
The crew of Lamesa Grill found out that it was my birthday celebration so they embarrassed – I mean, surprised me by singing a rather loud Happy Birthday song and gave me a cassava cake with a candle on top. Awww, that was really sweet. Joining me that night were Mark, Arrah, April, my brother Amiel, and his girlfriend Michelle. I have also invited Phrixel but due to last minute work delays, he wasn’t able to catch up. I honestly wanted to invite my blockmates Noreen, Krishna, Ivy, Delna, Yarry, and the others but my budget was not so accommodating. I owe you something guys. I’ll make up for it someday.
After dinner, we headed to UP Cebu to party. It was the annual UP Cebu Cookout but what made it extra special is that it was the Centennial Cookout. I enjoyed the performances and though there were areas that could be improved, it was all in all a great Cookout. At the UP Grounds, I fell in love with Refrain (everybody did, too – or all the girls did) and saw my old friends and schoolmates in UP. I spent most of the time talking, actually. And while I ignored the pasimple hints that I should give a treat, they were nice enough to greet me at 12m.n.
The main attraction of the event was the performance of Manila-based Slapshock. While they performed and everybody flocked near the stage, my friends and I kept talking while one even slept! Pasaway. And in the middle of their performance, the sleeping Jason Baguia woke up and told us he was going home. Okay, I thought that was enough for the day. It was 2AM and I myself could barely keep my eyes open. I decided to go home, too. I still have to work the next day.
Though tired and sleepy, I had to stay awake for one more ceremony before dozing off: opening my gifts. Much love and thank you to Mark and Arrah who surprised me with presents. Mark even tried to throw off suspicion by telling me through text that the traffic was almost impossible to deal with and that he had no time to pick up a present for me. But when he showed up at the restaurant, he was carrying this Blue Magic paper bag. Mark gave me a very cute pink teddy bear named Monina. It smelled nice too. I had to keep it in the closet because I’m pretty sure if it stays on my bed, the pink color would magically turn grey after quite some time. Arrah gave me an original cd of my latest obsession – Daughtry! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I loved it.
Presents or no presents, I loved every minute of my birthday celebration. Despite sleeping late, I am thankful I still woke up just in time the next day to prepare myself for work. My officemates never found out it was my birthday until I told them late afternoon. But that’s a different story.
Labels: food, life
posted by the chocoholic at 4:15 PM
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
Reunions
Call it perfect timing that two of my batch mates and dear friends came to Cebu for a visit within two months. One of them, Athea, left the country six years ago when her whole family migrated to Alaska. Raissa, on the other hand, moved to Iloilo while we were still in first year high school.
I don’t know how it is with other batches but ours is a closely-knit one. Blame it on the numbers and the years we spent fighting and caring for each other. We were probably 45 when we graduated. Roughly 90% received a Loyalty Award, which means we’ve been together since we were still peeing in our pants. To date, we occasionally meet to eat out, catch up with other batch mates who aren’t Cebu-based, drink from dusk ‘til dawn, sing to our hearts’ desire, talk nonstop excitedly, and simply relish each other’s company. And those are exactly what we did when Athea and Raissa dropped by.
To sum it all up, I had fun. Who wouldn’t? I guess this text message from, coincidentally a batch mate gives the exact reason why: Your college friends know who you are. But your high school friends know why.
Retreat
In less than a month, I’m turning 22. Like all my other birthdays in the past, I look forward to it with much anticipation, anxiety, sureness, and uncertainty. Unlike my last birthday however, I felt that I lived most if not all, my 21st year living it – taking life as it comes and never being too busy to miss a lunch date with a good friend or just laze around on a Sunday morning enjoying coffee. I’ve experienced being overly stressed out in the past that there wasn’t just time for me to steal for myself or for my family. Perhaps that was one of the main reasons why I felt like I’ve lived for so long in this world. And I don’t want that to happen. Life is too short to not live it the way it should be lived.
So, as I was saying, it’s going to be my birthday in a few weeks. I must have a little hangover from the hospital because I’m eager to make an escape during my special day. Right now, I’m dreaming of the beach or the mountains with food, music, and friends. But as much as I would like it to be the reality, I can only drool over it. Apparently, the hospital experience dug a hole into my resources. And unfortunately, my birthday falls on a work day. What else is there to say but, “Let’s wait and see.”
posted by the chocoholic at 5:16 PM
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Tuesday, July 08, 2008
For the second time in five years, I was admitted at a hospital in Cebu. The diagnosis: classical dengue fever. For once, I was relieved that the cause of my latest distress in life was a blood-sucking Aedes aegypti and not because I couldn’t keep myself from chomping down contaminated food. The first time I was ever admitted at the hospital was when I was a freshie in college. I was admitted due to typhoid fever. Then on the summer before my senior year, I got mild amoebiasis (and nearly got hospitalized). Geez, bacteria love me so much they find a way to invade my system through the food I eat.
Anyway, what’s more important is that I’m well now and back to work after six days of bed rest, fluids, and anti-inflammatory pills (for the rashes). Although I feel a little bad of having to leave work for a couple of days, I somehow felt that it was a welcome respite for me. I’m not glad that I got sick. But boy was I glad to have taken a break from work. Some of my friends who visited me at the hospital actually envied me and would gladly take my place at the hospital bed. But well, I wouldn’t give up my slot either. Except for the incessant poking of needles in my arm to draw blood samples, everything else made me feel like I’m on vacation. Kudos to the hospital and its staff! If only the hospital was tucked somewhere in the mountains or near the beach, it would have been the perfect escape.
On a more serious note, being confined at the hospital gave me a good time for contemplation and reflection. I couldn’t help it, you know. My bosses were really understanding enough not to pester me with work and would rather check whether I was fine. So I had all the time mostly to myself. And I wondered what could have I possibly done this time to be in this situation. The answer: none. I certainly didn’t want to be bitten by a dengue-carrying mosquito in the first place and I could have gotten it in a lot of possible places – the boarding house, the office, the mall… But among all the people in all those places, it chose to bite me. Why me, I asked. Perhaps, I needed a little jolt.
For me, it was a natural roadblock. Unexpected, sometimes unwanted but almost always desperately needed. You see, most of the time we want to take full control of our life – driving it at topmost speed and making the most out of the little time we are given. And that’s not bad. It’s just that sometimes, we get so caught up with our job and our everyday struggles that we tend to miss the very little but very important details in life that actually matter – family, friends, love, and even life itself. In other words, it is simply life’s way of saying, “Slow down, you’re going too fast.” Life must have, at first, tried to warn me about it but I didn’t listen or I was too busy to even hear what it was saying. So it deliberately stepped on the brakes so I would stop. Stop and breathe. Stop and savor every single moment. Stop. And start all over again.
So today, I am back at the wheel, coursing through uncharted paths. I make right turns and sometimes bump into the wrong ones. Sometimes, I drive back. Sometimes, I speed up. But I’m fervently hoping this time, I’ll know when I need to stop.
Labels: life
posted by the chocoholic at 5:21 PM
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Monday, June 16, 2008
A friend from college Tim tagged me for a meme. So as a courtesy to the friend I haven’t seen for a long time, I’m involving myself in the tradition of answering it and passing it on to others.
If you are to leave an important memory, what would that be? You can answer the question either by posting a picture, a video, writing a poem or whatever you think would best describe the memory that you want to share.
A family picture taken three years ago, this picture was taken by my trusty Nikon manual SLR (single lens reflex) camera at our living room in Leyte after attending Mass on New Year’s Day. I was the photographer. I had everyone positioned, adjusted the aperture and the shutter speed, and set the timer. Then I rushed to my place and put on my biggest smile.
Like Tim, I am often stricken with nostalgia especially now that I am living on my own alone and at my own expense. My brother Amiel just moved out last week to live with his pregnant girlfriend and soon-to-be wife. My parents are in Leyte. My other brother Jake and his family are also in Leyte but in a different house. I just miss those days when we are all living in one house together, even if it means quarreling like cats and mice with my brothers. It would feel nice to see everybody you love after a stressful day at work and eat dinner together as one big family. But right now, I just have to accept that this is the way it’s supposed to be. It would give each and everyone of us the space to grow and the opportunity to be better and more responsible persons.
Copy the entire list and add your name below the person who tagged you. Then tag at least 5 friends (But you can tag as many as you like) and visit their blog to let them know you tagged them.
posted by the chocoholic at 12:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I have an uncanny knack of making feral cats my pets, especially if they exhibit outward signs of human sociability. I always pounce on that weakness. For instance, my first-ever pet cat Clovis was a wild cat which I slowly lured to domestication by appealing to its voracious appetite. The others that followed were drawn by basically the same motivation. But not Dr. Jinx.
Or maybe he was when our friendship started. The memory of our first meeting was lost in the blurry of my college years. All I remember was that as soon as I stepped on the topmost rung of the staircase that leads to the door of my boarding house, he sprinted towards me, meowing like crazy, and rubbed his white and orange head against my legs. I was a bit taken aback by his aggressiveness. Never have I encountered such behavior unless the cat and I are already friends, which we weren’t. But ever the diplomatic person who will not thwack any unfamiliar cat’s butt, I sweetly said hello. I could not remember if I shared some leftovers that night but my brief greeting further goaded him to come near me. The next day, he was at his antics again and this time, he was clever enough to get ahead of me in entering the room. Up to the present, I wrestle with him at the door as he futilely attempts to bypass my towering frame. I think his goal in life is to just set his furry paws in our cozy room.
Anyway, since it has been his habit to hang out in our room, I let him indulge in this desire every once in a while. In fact, I let him sleep there. And so far, he hasn’t chewed on my toes or peed on my shoes yet so it’s fine with me. One day, while I was watching a movie from the computer, a small rat tiptoed across the computer table right in front of me. I wanted to scream but the image of the rat jumping at me and landing right into my mouth shut me up. As I found out later from my brother, the rat George has been disturbing us for quite some time. (Yes, my brother and I name our mammal friends. The only creatures I don’t give names are cockroaches because one, they’re the grossest things on earth. Two, they’re not mammals. And lastly, they’re not our friends.) I decided it was payback time. I let Dr. Jinx inside the room and waited. I was about to drift off to slumber when I heard a crash. (By the way, I named the cat Dr. Jinx because I feel that our electric fan is at the brink of extinction every time he roughly brushes his head against it, as if he really plans to jinx it up.) Sure enough, George’s tail was wiggling like a lollipop outside Dr. Jinx’s mouth. Eeewww. Well, at least I’m happy and Dr. Jinx is happy. That’s all that matters. And I thought that was the end of the Georges.
One night, I was stripped down at the bathroom ready for a ritual evening bath, humming to my heart’s content when a George lurking somewhere popped its small pointed head and ran around the bathroom in squares. I instinctively jumped on the toilet seat and my soft humming evolved to natural screaming. I got dressed quickly, locked the bathroom door behind me, and called on Dr. Jinx for help. For some weird reason, Dr. Jinx was scared of the bathroom. No matter how many times I tried to shove him towards it, he would always find a way to evade the damn bathroom. Unmoved, I dragged him to the bathroom and locked him inside. As soon as I closed the door, Dr. Jinx started whimpering! Jinxie, find George and eat him alive, I pleaded through the door. The whimpering continued. Then I heard a scratch. I thought he finally caught George. Imagine my astonishment when I opened the bathroom door and saw Dr. Jinx, not on the floor but at the top of the thin laundry line wobbling for dear life with wide eyes. I could not imagine how he got up there, considering that the laundry line was way over my head. Being trapped in a bathroom seemed to pump some adrenaline into the poor cat. Seriously, are cats capable of getting claustrophobia? Anyway, I got Dr. Jinx out of the bathroom and forcefully shooed George out. (while shrieking, of course) The moment George skittered on the room premises, Dr. Jinx grabbed him and chomped him down. But the whole ordeal left indelible memories on Dr. Jinx’s system. After that night, he never dared go anywhere near the bathroom door and would rather lie down at the bottom of the double-decked bed near my shoes. No George has been pestering us since then and I’m almost looking forward to meeting another George. Why? Well, he might be the key to finding out another one of Dr. Jinx’s well-kept secrets.
Labels: everyday ramblings, life, pets
posted by the chocoholic at 5:29 PM
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