It’s probably the idealism wearing off, or should I say crushed by the dead weight of reality. Whereas in my student years, I was but a mere spectator and a critique of the real world, now I am in it, struggling against losing what is now left of my so-called idealism. Boy, when reality looms large right in front of you staring at you in the eye, it is just so damn hard to keep a straight face.
They say it’s the natural order of things. I’ve heard countless of testimonies from people who once took the journey to Utopia and have fallen off course. That should have been enough to leave me utterly disillusioned. But as one wise colleague of mine pointed out, we should still carry idealism in our hearts, this time without the illusions. No pretensions, no trimmings, no frills. Our world is an imperfect one – and we’re all well aware of that. We just have to accept reality as it is. And should we have the opportunity to make it better for ourselves and for other people, the truly idealistic will grab every chance to make a difference.
My first three years in the corporate world have been nothing short of erratic but everything’s just a blur to me now. Either I’m temporarily suffering from a case of short-term memory loss or I was too wrapped up with the cares of this world. I’m glad to note though that I have stayed with my current company for more than a year now. Still, I’m far from being relaxed. People born in the year of the tiger like me are known to be restless and unpredictable. Well, it’s going to be another “let’s wait and see” year for me, like it has been for the past years. If anything but a consolation to the unforeseeable future, I’d like to take comfort in my favorite lines from the song Just Around the River Bend (Pocahontas) by Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz:
What I love most about rivers is, you can’t step in the same river twice.
The water’s always changing, always flowing.
But people, I guess, can’t live like that. We all must pay a price.
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing.
What’s around the river bend. Just around the river bend.
I look once more. Just around the river bend.
Beyond the shore. Somewhere past the sea.
Don’t know what for.
Why do all my dreams extend just around the river bend?
I was planning to round up the year that was but I thought it would be better to leave behind things that are better off in the past. In a nutshell, the previous year made me think and re-think about love, faith, career, and most especially friendship. Whatever those lessons are, it’s for me to dwell on and safe keep, at least for now. And while all my dreams extend just around the river bend, I’m gonna have to live in the now with tomorrow in mind, taking my chances and giving it my best shot.